Welcome back to the blog! Have you figured out your self care Saturday or Sunday plans yet? If not, you’re in for a treat! Today, I’m diving into one of my favorite Rs of self-care: resting, relaxing, recharging, & resetting.
Can you guess which one we’re going to explore? Reset!
One of my favorite Rs of self care is resetting; however, it is typically overlooked in our rotation of go to self-care activities. I get it. Resetting isn’t as ‘fun’ or ‘relaxing’ as soaking in a warm bath, going on a hike, or meeting girlfriends for drinks. Instead this form of self care requires intention, evaluation, and planning as it oftentimes includes developing new routines, changing unwanted habits, or dare I say… setting boundaries.
Yup! I said it! The B word… Boundaries!
So, let’s check in with each other. Have you ever struggled with putting others’ needs before your own? This can be anyone from family members, friends, romantic partners, work, organizations, or your children?
If you’re guilty, go ahead and raise your head up because you are not alone. I have been there too. I’ve been in a space where I’ve put others’ needs before my own.
So, who is in the driver seat of your life friend? I’ve had several seasons where someone else was behind the wheel, and instead I was riding shot gun, jumped in the backseat, or felt captive in the trunk.
During high school and college I was in the passenger seat as the majority of my time and energy was centered around the activities and demands from various clubs and organizations. As a new professional I found myself locked in the trunk trying desperately to get out as my mental and emotional states were over run by a toxic work environment and clients. Then as a new wife I hopped back in the passenger seat as I tried to navigate my new role of being someone’s wife. Now, last but definitely not least comes good ol’ motherhood. For awhile I found myself riding in the backseat while Remy took control of the wheel. Having a baby/toddler operating a vehicle aka your life is a bit dangerous, so I’m sure you can see why I needed to give him the boot.
So, what about you? Who’s in the driver seat of your life? Right now, at this very moment?
Continuing to put others’ needs above your own can lead to bruised relationships and resentment my friend; therefore it is important to be proactive in showing up for yourself. Some ways to combat pushing your needs to the side is intentional self care which includes resetting and establishing boundaries. Boundaries can be extremely uncomfortable and challenging (I hate doing it) so here are a few tips to help you work your boundary muscle.
**Just a warning, once you get used to it you might start flexing on people.**
New skills take courage & practice start by setting a small boundary.
Ex: Not checking emails outside of work hours or having 30 minutes alone time on Sundays.
Be clear & direct
This tip is extremely important when you are setting a boundary with another person or entity. By express your boundary in a clear and direct way there will be little room for error and will help avoid confusion.
Ex: I will “no longer be able to do XYZ.” or “I’ve thought long and hard about this, and __ no longer works for me.”
Just a heads up, this is the hardest tip to enforce. Explain in a clear & direct way what will occur if the boundary is broken. This way the person/entity you’re setting the boundary with knows what will occur if the boundary is broken. As for you, if it is broken or the lines are blurred boundaries you know what your next step is…consequences time. Remember boundaries are only helpful if they are kept.
Ex: “I will no longer be able to be a part of this committee if XYZ continues.” or “I’ll have to limit my visits if ___ continues.”
Sometimes we don’t need to set boundaries with others in our life, and instead, we need to set boundaries with ourselves. Ouch! The truth can hurt sometimes. If this is the case share your boundary with someone who will keep you in check and on track. Find the friend, coworker, or family member who isn’t going to go easy on you. Deep down you know who you who would make a good accountability partner.
My hope is as you slide into the weekend and start creating your self care plans you’ll consider pulling out your journal, planner, or phone and think about your position in your car. Setting boundaries is considered self care to friend.
Where are you sitting in your car? What do you need to do to change your current position?
If you need any additional support as you navigate motherhood schedule a 15-minute consultation with Patience today. You are not alone mama.
The content on this website and blog are for informational purposes only. Prepared to Prosper, LLC and Patience Riley assume no responsibility for how you use any information or documentation provided through this site. Nothing contained on the site shall constitute as professional advice or substitute treatment. None of the information available on this site shall be construed as an endorsement, guarantee, representation or warranty with respect to any therapeutic practitioner or treatment.