Hi friend! This week we are having a bit of a intermission from the three part series, Not Today Satan. Sometimes I am faced with a situation, issue, or see a reoccuring topic, and in order to get it off of my chest I need to write it out. Next week I plan to get into my second story that made me say Not Today Satan but today just bear with me while I get this out.
While I was pregnant I received A LOT of advice, and guess what? Now that I’ve had my son I still receive A LOT of advice. Some of this advice is solicited and some of it isn’t, but I receive it nonetheless. There have been times where the opinions of others have been put upon me without my permission, and even though I did not approve of these comments I am left to deal with the thoughts that have been awakened in me because of these conversations.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe we can learn from the lessons of others, but there is always a time and a place. And it is important to be mindful that even if the advice, opinions, or recommendations are given with the best intentions it may not be taken that way depending on the mental state of that MAMA. When is the last time she’s eaten, slept, taken a shower, not heard a crying baby, felt pain in her body, interacted with another adult, or just gotten a break? When a MAMA is in a vulnerable mental space even comments with the best intentions can cause her feelings of guilt, shame, and doubt.
If you’ve seen one of my posts or two I am sure that you have picked up on the fact that I am a fan of lists. And here is another one for your viewing pleasure.
STOP SHAMING MOMS FOR…
1. Nursing in public
2. Using formula
3. Having to take breaks at work to pump
4. Their constant trips to the bathroom to pee
5. Being tired
6. Being frustrated because she is tired
7. Having a career
8. Wanting to go back to work
9. Staying home with her kids
10. Wanting adult conversation
11. Saying she needs a break
12. What they feed their kids
13. Having a glass of wine
14. Or any kind of spirit
15. Asking for help
16. Wearing a messy bun
17. Wearing makeup
18. Not wearing makeup
19. Having a child that is different than yours
20. Not wanting to share their food
21. Wearing bikinis
22. Experiencing mom guilt
23. Missing moments from their life before they had children
24. For not wanting to leave their kids with certain people
25. Wanting to take care of herself
26. Wanting to feel sexy
27. Working out while pregnant
28. Not having a “natural birth”
29. Getting back in the gym
30. Struggling to make it places before 9 AM
32. Taking for ever to text back
33. Forgetting to text back
34. Sending their child to daycare
35. Not having it “all” figured out
So, instead of shaming moms with our unsolicited advice (despite our good or bad intentions) let’s find a way to support other moms and support ourselves. Let’s provide them with a listening ear, or shoulder of they need it to lean on, offer to drop of a meal, watch their kid, send a surprise holiday outfit for the kid, ask “is there anything you need”, “how are you really doing?”, or “can I do that for you”, send her a card with a handwritten message, or give her a hug.
And lets not forget that we as the mamas have to take responsibility in who we let in our mental and emotional space so if needed we may have to set boundaries with someone or something that doesn’t make us feel good, reframe our thoughts learn how to ask for help.
Mama, you’re doing a great job. Happy hump day.
Have you ever been mom shamed? What was your experience? How do you think we can support other mamas? Let me know what you think by leaving a message in the comment section below.
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If you need any additional support as you navigate motherhood schedule a 15-minute consultation with Patience today. You are not alone mama.
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